HEALTHIER HELPING DOESN’T HAVE TO BE HARD WORK
Work that requires close contact is tricky. When one is privy to the personal life details of others, it creates a power differential that - if not managed - can derail the whole shebang. “High-touch” helping jobs are ones that involve a significant amount of personal interaction and sharing. It requires a strong human connection and tons of courage to do this work well.
So, how do high-touch helpers provide great service while also being exposed to stress and trauma from the people that they help? What techniques to do they themselves use to stay calm, focused, and engaged enough, and to not become obstructive, overwhelmed, bored or rendered useless? How do practitioners cope with their own tendencies to overthink, numb out, clam up, neglect themselves, and struggle with poor boundaries, self-doubt, boredom, or worry?
These are normal reactions to life’s stresses and trauma. And most professional helpers have natural aptitudes that enable them to excel at putting their own problems aside. But isolation, overexposure and exhaustion can overwhelm even the most highly-resourced human. This is where formal training and support can facilitate healthier responses instead of simply burning out.
Many helpers go through their careers espousing faulty beliefs about what it means to be “good” practitioner. On top of this, deeply ingrained values about self-sacrifice and stoicism are further reinforced by larger systems and organizations. Dysfunctional habits such as people-pleasing can also reduce one’s defenses, and create difficulties in to setting boundaries and communicating assertively at work.
This result: helpers end up doing high volumes of intense caring work without the necessary skills to protect and promote their mental health.
To say “it’s not about me” is an error. The truth is that the healthiest helpers are self-serving. In other words, they know they stand to gain a lot from helping, and at the same time they know they need distance and supportive rest. They understand the connection between self-awareness and being able to relate to others. And they recognize that the mechanics of helping involve managing a boundary that is neither too rigid nor too porous.
In addition, the healthiest helpers offer input that is carefully titrated so as not to disable, disempower or oppress the other and themselves. They communicate respectfully and in ways that demonstrate congruency between their thoughts, words and actions. They also reserve enough energy to be able to maintain a steady output. In essence, helping work is relational work.
Good helpers will inevitably spend their personal time thinking about others’ situations, recovering from work, and preparing themselves anew for the next shift. Thus, learning how to regulate their natural impulse to help others is an essential skill for doctors, nurses, teachers, therapists, parents, and anyone else who is “in the trenches” doing the important work of helping humans.
It takes both talent and practice to remain responsive to the needs of others. Keeping a good relationship with both the self and others is what makes helping a two-way exchange where the helper gets as much as they give.
HELPING GREAT PEOPLE GROW
If you are a helper and you’re ready to build a better base for the work that you do, reach out for a no-cost 20-minute consultation to see how we can work together.