HELPERS CAN BE ANTI-HEROES TOO

Not everyone has what it takes to be “on the front lines” doing client-facing work.  However, there are a few who are perfectly suited to work closely with their fellow humans in times of need.  Broadly, these individuals are called “helpers”. 

Helpers generally enter their vocation for very personal reasons.  They are usually highly motivated to help vulnerable people assert themselves, solve problems, and explore new territory.  There is often a feeling of great satisfaction that comes from seeing others thrive.  Helpers also take on a high level of responsibility for others’ safety and well-being.  To many outsiders, people who work in helping roles are seen as kind, compassionate, and exceedingly generous.  Heroic, even.

So, what is it like to be “the help”? In spite of how rewarding the work is, it can also be emotionally and psychologically taxing.  Helpers can be sensitive and tend to extend themselves to provide support to others. In doing so, they may experience discomfort when working closely with humans in varying states of distress. There is also a deeply-rooted belief among some helpers that the work is not well compensated or highly valued - that it’s even thankless at times. 

People who are naturally suited for helping roles are often high in empathy and agreeableness.  Yet, that can make the work even more challenging when unboundaried. Being gifted with a large capacity for empathy also results in the risk of overexposure to the suffering of others.  The opening up and sharing of struggles creates an emotional demand for which helpers need to be able to stabilize themselves.  Without this ability, the quality and duration of the helper’s professional life is limited, and the helper themselves can become vulnerable to psychological stress and trauma of their own.

Helpers who struggle to carry the emotional load may beat themselves up for being bleeding hearts, workaholics, or gluttons for punishment. They may even start to feel used and unappreciated, or see themselves as the “complaints department” - a dumping ground for other people’s problems. 

But, although it can appear noble and notable on the surface, martyrdom should never be the goal. To sacrifice one’s own health and well-being would be antithetical to the concept of ‘safe and effective use of self’ (SEUS)”, a well-established set of skills in the fields of psychology and social work.  SEUS refers to the ability to preserve and protect one’s own capacity to help, and although it is not widely practiced in the majority of helping professions, SEUS is a sign of a healthy, competent and high-functioning helping profession.

Helpers are not meant to sacrifice their own wellbeing to take care of others. When helpers begin to see themselves as a precious and renewable resource, they don’t burn out. By challenging the myth of the self-less, altruistic helper, they become a kind of anti-hero. They learn to take better care of themselves by setting boundaries and challenging the status quo. Thus, the character arc shifts: still a “good person”, but also a little bit dangerous.

HELPING GREAT PEOPLE GROW

If you are a helper and you’re ready to build a better base for the work that you do, reach out for a no-cost 20-minute consultation to see how we can work together.

1. Bourne, S. (1981). Under the doctor : studies in the psychological problems of physiotherapists, patients and doctors. Avebury.